When hatchbacks get plastic surgery

FROM THE JAPANESE MARKET:

Automobile designers took the above bit too seriously apparently. Take the 1999 Toyota Yaris- fantastic hot hatch to compete in the Asian market that came with the new VVTi motor and an interior full of grey plastic. The wheels almost seemed too tiny for the bulgy round physique, but the playful rear quarter with the beefy shoulder line made up for other flaws. It won the hearts of many due to its compact size and funny gear lever. But do not be fooled with tantalizing appetizers. Toyota decided to facelift the Yaris with oval lamps, a revolting grille and gave the hatch an backside; which was out of proportion like the one you would expect on a happily fed llama. Unfortunately Dhaka has had a fair dose of these tiny wheeled hideous llama Toyotas, badged as Platz/ Echo. This car's back is raised enough for truck drivers to see what is underneath- worn out knickers in muddy coil springs form. We reckon they act as wake up slaps in traffic after hours of seeing Premallions. We do not know what madness would drive someone to buy this car.

Around 2004, Nissan could not let its home competitor get away with the 'repulsive car of the decade' award and cooked up something, to our horror. They massacred their mid-range Tiida hatchback (which earned decent popularity in both the European and South East Asian market due to its availability in 1.5, 1.6 and 1.8L motors). The tall Tiida looked rather tidy with simple straight lines, but the sedan version named Latio was quite abhorrent thanks to a small yet high trunk, festooned with big rear brake lamps. It is not the added length of the car or the height that killed the Latio, but the way its rear windshield drops, aided by a fat C pillar. Even cosmetic additions found in Bangla Motor or BD-Kitz are of no use in making the thing bearable to look at.

More Japanese car manufacturers tried to join in the repugnant revolution. Mazda tried with the Mazda 2/ Demio hatch in 2007 and continued till 2014. However, it wasn't uglier than the other hatch to sedan conversions we are talking about here. Despite having a small body-high roof line configuration, the 2015 Mazda 2 has been spared the brutality as it has been endowed with a beautifully slanted A and B pillars. The front and rear both gets dune shaped hunches on which sits the subtly bulged wheel arches. These shoulder lines give the on-lookers a visual break from the usual plain paddy field like gaps between the window line and wheel arches. Bangladesh is yet to receive any of these little sedans.

Unlike Mazda, Honda trashed its little car. It did it with the cute little Brio in the Indian market, calling it the Brio Amaze. However, Honeywell Turbo Technologies has developed the turbo for the first ever i-DTEC diesel motor for an Indian market Honda model and that might be just one of the reasons why the Amaze is selling pretty amazingly not only in India but also in the Philippines since its launch in 2013.

Mitsubishi held on for a while, but ultimately succumbed. Mitsubishi's Colt is a first car favorite amongst many across the globe. Mirage was the coupe version that sold well and looked good back in the day- well, until 2013. The three cylinder 1.2 liter motor powered Colt was taken into the drawing room and a rear trunk was added. The strange looking car now sits high up from the ground with thin tyres and with a rear quarter panel which has a fender-window line length as long as the butt of a late 90s hip-hop gangster's baggy trousers.

FROM THE SUB CONTINENTAL INDIA: 

Whereas most Japanese car development often focused first on the needs of Japanese motorists, the designers and engineers of Suzuki assigned to the new Swift hatchback focused first and foremost on Europe. So, the new Swift was to be a Japanese car developed in Europe for today's global market. They stayed in Europe for six months, continuously refining the design as they drew inspiration from the European landscape and people. The result was an innovative, sporty, and elegant design that had genuine international appeal. While Swift Sport was winning several international rally-cross awards, I was toying with a friend's M/T Swift whose smooth short shifter was winning my heart. Suzuki, with Maruti's joint venture learnt a great deal of marketing in the Indian market too. Because Maruti was at liberty to manufacture Swifts in India from 2005, it could not hold back to ruin a perfect sporty hatchback. Why? Cos apparently it sold well. Maruti claims they seamlessly integrated a boot into the Swift hatchback through some minor changes in overall styling, calling it the Swift Dzire. We call it crap. The three-box notchback version of the rather muscular hatch did not need to happen. If only the designers at Suzuki knew that their Swift brand would be subjected to such humility in India, they probably would have insisted the JV with Maruti never materialized.

FROM KOREA:

Korea is a neighboring country to Japan. The aura of eccentricity crept on to the fast developing nation too. Finding global success with the flagship Hyundai Sonata model, it ensured it made cars for everyone- even for the ones who like ugly cars. They took the Sonata's streamline shape and squashed it to form Accent. They also made a compressed version of the squashed car, badging it as Xcent. Confucianism is a popular belief in Korea, but we did not know they went by it so adamantly. A Shift desk top tip would be to discard the Xcent and just keep the lovable i10 hatch on which the Xcent is based on.

FROM THE EUROPEAN UNION:

Ford has been selling the Fiesta, a fierce looking hot hatch since a while now. In the name of concept development, Ford blended in with the Eastern auto makers and started adding buttocks to their hatches. The Fiesta has a cat fish resembling snout with long squinted headlamps, which, when added with flared wheel arches and spoilers, make the hatch look aggressive. It is only when you change the rear windshield lines to give a deformed opera window and a high poised bum that things start to look very messy. From behind, it almost seems like another set of rear lamps could fit in between the existing lamps and rear bumper.

If we want a van, we would get a van; not a hatch turned sedan. Car designers- please for the sake of our eye sight, stop diluting your hatch brands into adding a bum to them. Unlike Jennifer Lopez, it does not get hotter.