THIS WEEK'S HOROSCOPE

ARIES
I can't see where your fortune lies.

TAURUS
Your dates are coming from Saudi.

GEMINI
You should buy durable plastic.

CENCER
Always keep a lungi in your backpack.  

LEO
She is not your type; stop watching anime.

VIRGO
I wanna meet you.

LIBRA
We are looking for a librarian. 

SCORPIO
STOP hating your friends; be good to them.

SAGITTARIUS
Pasta is best for you, for it makes you bigger.

CAPRICON
Your shell will crack soon.

AQUARIUS
Cry son, cry. I have nothing for you.

PISCES
Say my name. And again. And again.