THIS WEEKS HORRORSCOPE
Aries
Do you think Harambe was a spy?
Taurus
Everything the light touches, is where you should stay away from.
Gemini
Do you have a dream? Not for long.
Cancer
Yes, those extra calories ARE making you fat. Lay off the candy, chubby.
Leo
Call it what you want; just don't call it "rocket".
Virgo
Your love life is as nonexistent as your talent.
Libra
Don't be like Zlatan when you're actually like Sanogo.
Scorpio
Phelps might be Aquaman.
Sagittarius
There are people born in the 2000s who are teenagers now. Let that sink in; and the toilet too.
Capricorn
What's it like to have a restaurant named after your zodiac sign?
Aquarius
Too much water. 4/10 – IGN
Pisces
Follow Phelps. He is Aquaman.
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