THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE
Aries
Practice some tongue-twisters today. It'll help one day.
Taurus
The bottle seems oddly appealing doesn't it? Go ahead. Drink dat_milk.
Gemini
Don't play GEMS with my heart. </3
Cancer
*insert picture of weaboo here*
Leo
Be proud like the Premier League lion.
Virgo
Did you cheat a pretty Cali girl tonight?
Libra
Adam Sandler is your mascot.
Scorpio
Get over here!
Sagittarius
Does Trump wear a toupee?
Capricorn
We need to build more pylons!
Aquarius
Water, water everywhere; not a drop to dunk.
Pisces
Do NOT approach that dude who wants to sell you *insert appropriate kitchen utensil here*.
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