THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE
Aries
Don't use Arial font in your assignment tonight.
Taurus
Stop kidding yourself, you're not a Starboy.
Gemini
Did you buy your momma a crib and a brand new wagon?
Cancer
Those tables are not cut from ivory.
Leo
Give me back my t-shirt. Now.
Virgo
Try dancing to Moonlight Sonata under the Sun.
Libra
Destroy Buzz Lightyear. Destroy Buzz Lightyear.
Scorpio
The Gulab Jamun is your path to salvation.
Sagittarius
The Gulab Jamun is your path to diabetes.
Capricorn
I want you for the dank side.
Aquarius
You're not pretty enough to be this crazy.
Pisces
You're destined to make his whole year in a week.
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