THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE
Aries
Sticky notes can make fun outfits. Just make 'em extra sticky.
Taurus
Don't bump me with your head.
Gemini
If you are mankind's angel, who is the devil?
Cancer
Pepe lives. You know it's true.
Leo
Your love life is like my Ferrari; I don't have a Ferrari.
Virgo
Do you suffer from vertigo?
Libra
Your odour is like the pits of Dhaka's sewers.
Scorpio
Even famished pirates look better than you.
Sagittarius
Keep your girlfriend clean. Get some hand sanitizer.
Capricorn
I bet you're the guy who buys Detos instead of Cheetos.
Aquarius
Special snowflakes melt away. Just like your dreams.
Pisces
Don't go near the dogs. You'll scare them.
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