THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE
Aries
You see that female illusionist? Run.
Taurus
Red Bull gives you wings. Why do you have a tail, then?
Gemini
You see blue, I see black. What's wrong?
Cancer
Still addicted to Linkin Park, huh?
Leo
Don't pressurize yourself too much today.
Virgo
Get a barrel of monkeys. It brings good career luck.
Libra
Can I just say you're as interesting as bottled water?
Scorpio
We don't dab anymore. Like we used to do.
Sagittarius
Sif the Wolf wants to meet you.
Capricorn
That vest isn't a good idea.
Aquarius
Told you not to mash your keyboard dammit.
Pisces
Now donate your GTX-1070 so that I can SLI.
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