THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE
Aries
Please don't go to a university JUST to take selfies.
Taurus
I'm serious. You're clogging the traffic.
Gemini
Why can't you just take your precious flower filter selfies in your bathroom?
Cancer
I'm sure no one cares because they've seen the same selfie over a million times.
Leo
Pahela Falgun is about celebrating spring and not making life harder for other people.
Virgo
Did you have a date on Valentine's Day? No? Typical.
Libra
I'm sure I can 2v1 you in For Honor.
Scorpio
Are we just going to pretend you didn't eat all those chips?
Sagittarius
If you took your date out to fuchka and chill, you're a cheapo.
Capricorn
If you took your date to Butler's, you're a buccfoi.
Aquarius
I told you not to check yourself out in the elevator.
Pisces
Did things improve for you on that day?
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