THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE
Aries
An eleven-headed man will say hi. Don't respond to his advances.
Taurus
If a chicken bone can cone, lick your iPhone.
Gemini
For the next 4 mornings, taste the air for a forecast of your luck.
Cancer
Consider business offers from bald men.
Leo
Touch your elbow in a shameful manner. Results may vary.
Virgo
Draw a decagon. Step inside it. Now play music without wires.
Libra
Trust is the main power. Your left hand is the outlet.
Scorpio
A fork can solve as many problems as it can create.
Sagittarius
Pictures of dragons on cars will be lucky for you.
Capricorn
Think outside the box. Wear gloves for the moist atmosphere.
Aquarius
Fungi have feelings too. Especially when you touch them.
Pisces
Rub a pizza on your cheek. Yes, mmm, just like that.
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