THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE
Aries
You might have a lot of problems, but you can't do anything about them.
Taurus
I thought you were supposed to drink coffee out of a mug, not a shoe.
Gemini
I guess your temper will be like Injustice 2's Superman.
Cancer
Stay hungry for a while. You'll appreciate that double cheese burger more.
Leo
Maybe it's time you stopped making memes.
Virgo
Crossword puzzle solving is the new extreme sport. Live dangerously.
Libra
I don't know, why it doesn't even matter how hard you try.
Scorpio
Arctic Monkeys is a good band. Check them out.
Sagittarius
I think at this point, you should just give up.
Capricorn
Look in the mirror and say "I am a good bugger."
Aquarius
Deep skies are bad for walruses to walk on.
Pisces
Find a puddle to dump all your bad memories in.
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