THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE
Aries
Ask the ingredients of the Chef's special sauce.
Taurus
Simulate your birth by diving through a burning tyre.
Gemini
Find a '92 Vista and lick its rims for luck.
Cancer
You're our last hope.
Leo
Be a socialist for a day. Profit.
Virgo
Don't sell your soul to questionable characters on Green Road.
Libra
Spell your name with dry oats. Add milk.
Scorpio
Get over here.
Sagittarius
You will find your life's calling in Fulbaria.
Capricorn
Highways are risky. Stairways double that.
Aquarius
Sniffing hydroponic plants will cure one of your pimples.
Pisces
Rub salt over your scars. It makes you look nice.
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