THIS WEEK'S HORRORSCOPE
Aries
I went to the beach and I did not find any sea turtles.
Taurus
It was very disappointing.
Gemini
Would you happen to know why they aren't there?
Cancer
How about you? You seem like a turtle aficionado.
Leo
Well, I guess I'll go then.
Virgo
If you're expecting your future, don't. You don't have a future.
Libra
Use bank transfers on your next payment. Even at tongs.
Scorpio
I'm glad you decided to give the circus a go.
Sagittarius
The fact that you collect ring chips says a lot.
Capricorn
The sky is orange, but your face is blue. Why?
Aquarius
Don't check your snapchat today. Just don't.
Pisces
Take care of your watches this week.
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