This Week's Horrorscope
ARIES
A dumb camel once said, "Moo."
TAURUS
I forgot your address. Please text me.
GEMINI
Welcome to the jungle. Now let's Rumble.
CANCER
Please help, they won't let me out without money.
LEO
No, I'm serious they're holding me at gunpoint.
VIRGO
Now they're telling me they require 5 bottles of Joomba juice.
LIBRA
I don't even know what that means.
SCORPIO
Please send help. I shall not perish like this.
SAGITTARIUS
Okay, I was just kidding. I'm okay.
CAPRICORN
Time to elevate your body. No, seriously, get on the elevator.
AQUARIUS
I am going to take a hammer and go "Snoot, Snoot!"
PISCES
I said this a number of times and I'll say this again, don't touch the buck.
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