This Week's Horrorscope
ARIES
Let's get down to business. You're going to face all your job interviews in the future.
TAURUS
You'll pass all of your exams.
GEMINI
You'll probably finally get to hate that girl.
CANCER
Everything you touch will turn to mould.
LEO
You will find your wallet filled with honey every morning.
VIRGO
Everyone will agree with whatever you say.
LIBRA
Your faculty won't penalise you for throwing up late.
SCORPIO
You will get recognition from your colleagues even though you didn't do anything.
SAGITTARIUS
You will trouble the world without any expenses.
CAPRICORN
You will finally star in a s*it action movie.
AQUARIUS
You can change the weather any time you want.
PISCES
You're gonna be the guy who presses the reset button on everything I just said.
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