This Week's Horrorscope
ARIES
You should really get rid of that empty water bottle.
TAURUS
Arrange all your party hats and drift around them.
GEMINI
If you have a cat, please feed it now.
CANCER
Don't listen to Higos. They are not good rappers.
LEO
It's 6:07 PM, where are my results?
VIRGO
If you're a Virgo, do you have Vertigo?
LIBRA
The cause is lost. Just cause.
SCORPIO
Don't make waffles anymore please. We have enough of those.
SAGITTARIUS
Don't carry an umbrella tomorrow. Do you really think it's gonna rain?
CAPRICORN
Don't ditch your colleagues to the canteen tomorrow.
AQUARIUS
They ask me what I'm doing not how I'm doing.
PISCES
You should probably stress less. Less stress.
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