This week's Horrorscope

ARIES

If you're really looking into buying that self-help book, you're really not helping yourself.



TAURUS

You should fashion those crocs as you please. You're going to cease to exist anyway.



GEMINI

Ask everyone who disagrees with you to un-friend you, wonder why you don't have "real" friends.



CANCER

Do you really have to put up that status that says "GOAAAAAL"? Think about it.



LEO

Your spirit animal this week is a Lemur.



VIRGO

Studies confirm, performing the peacock dances helps impress desired prospect. Express yourself.



LIBRA

Pistachios are the raisins of ice-cream. Fight anyone who differs.



SCORPIO

A prolonged travel would be good for you this week. Consider going to Mirpur.



SAGITTARIUS

You might feel sad this week. Carry a mini umbrella for your tears.



CAPRICORN

Indulge in some jackfruit this week.



AQUARIUS

Your presence during a certain match might increase the chances of your team to lose. Keep yourself locked in.



PISCES

To keep the existential crisis at bay, watch Keeping Up with The Kardashians.