Moronic Advice

From superstitious banter to medical diagnosis, human beings are full of useless advice and wrong opinions. Here are some favourites (that a surprising number of people actually follow):

"Travel, don't worry about the money." 
People who can travel without worrying about money are typically those who have lots of the latter. Or people who at least have some family stability, and no ill mother or younger brother who needs their help if anything should go wrong. Money, for the vast majority of people in the world, matters a lot. And travel requires air tickets. And visa.

"Be yourself." 
Being yourself is a terrible idea. You're probably an awkward, creepy guy but you don't want your girlfriend to know that. The point of life is to be better, constantly better than before. It's like God gave you eighty years to evolve into a better form and if you're not done by then you're a bad Pokémon. 
Oh wait. 

"If you can't handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." 
            – Marilyn Monroe
What if your worst is serial killer, axe murderer, child molester, worst? These sorts of quotes are quite possibly the worst thing about angled selfies posted by people named "Brokan Angle" (don't ask). Please understand that no one is obliged to love you at your worst but may perfectly warrant good behaviour from you.

"If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything."
                      – Marilyn Monroe
Funny helps. You know what helps more? Consent.
Basically, anything by Monroe. 
She's a bad example for humanity. Let's move on.
 
"Everyone is beautiful." 
If everyone is beautiful then by default, no one is beautiful. Besides, when did it become so important for everyone to be beautiful? It's like the millennium version of the baby boomer parent lie - everyone is special. No, everyone is not special. By telling everyone they're beautiful you're also saying any time any one calls you "not beautiful," you're somehow an outlier, that being beautiful is a must, that it is a mandatory attribute that cannot be ignored no matter how talented or smart or kind a person is.Yes, let's tell Mother Teresa she's beautiful instead. 
 
"Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life."
I'm a writer (or at least I pretend I am) and it's the one thing I've always known I wanted to be. When you were two you wanted to be a doctor, I wanted to write. When she was six, she wanted to be a pilot, I still wanted to write. After years of being a writer, I can tell you this for sure - nothing you do to earn a living can ever be truly fun. I only work part time as a writer and I feel the pressure of being better at it, improving at it, writing enough to earn a certain number of peanuts at the end of the month. I find myself competing and comparing myself against other writers and, while they happen to be some of my closest friends, I resent people who write better than me. This is terrible, but it's reality. Regardless of what job you decide to do, whether its rearing horses or crunching numbers, you'll hate it and whine about it and go home and wonder about the path not taken.
Work doesn't have to be unsatisfying, but taking your job, passion or not, with a pinch of salt always helps. 

"Love conquers all." 
No. It doesn't.

Mastura Tasnim is decidedly average, and terrified of that fact. 
You can send hate mail at mastura.tasnim@gmail.com