When Not to Use Sarcasm

Everyone likes to be funny and witty from time to time, and there are many ways to bring out your inner Jim Carrey. Making puns, cracking jokes, and using sarcasm. But sarcasm is like a double-edged sword, it can make you the funniest guy in the party or the guy who has a few screws loose. It's important to learn the art of sarcasm, and when not to use it at all. Let's focus on the latter and save ourselves from utter humiliation.

At a funeral: Someone just died. Everyone's mourning his/her death, they're sad, some of them are even crying. Do you really think you're funny enough to lighten the mood, that too by using sarcasm? "I can always try." Please, don't. Unless you can bring the person back to life, nobody's going to be happy with your "at least, he doesn't have to pay taxes anymore" joke. And later on, the spirit of the deceased will haunt you forever.

During an interview: You have no money and depend on a daily dosage of instant noodles to keep you alive. You applied for a job that pays well and they called you in for an interview. This is a moment that can change your life. Do you really want to risk it? What if the interviewer has a dry sense of humour? Usage of light sarcasm is safe, but if they ask you, "Where do you see yourself in the future?" your response definitely shouldn't be, "At my desk, browsing Reddit."

Talking to your parents: Parents have a tendency to take everything seriously. We already have to deal with endless lectures and criticisms from them. Why would you want to give them more opportunities? Just answer their questions in a straightforward fashion and you'll be fine. If they question where you're going, don't tell them you're going to Pakistan. They'll just think you're being rebellious, and won't get your quirkiness.

Meeting strangers: When we meet strangers, we try to be on our best behaviour. Formal and polite, nice and collected. Sarcasm does not go well with all those attributes. Just follow the rules and make them your friends, then they'll have to bear you whether they like it or not. You can end up being friendless if you do it incorrectly. Then no one will know how hilarious you are.

Talking to your teachers: You really are gutsy if you plan on being sarcastic with your teachers. I mean, it takes only one excuse to get on their bad side. They can make your school life a living hell. They'll give you punishments, take you to the principal's office, call your parents, they can even expel you. Is it worth the chuckles you'll get from your classmates? Maybe if you're aspiring to become a stand-up comedian, otherwise, be a boring nerd and stay in school.

In a road accident: You're dying! A bus just hit you and drove off. You're gasping for your life. A person comes up to you and asks, "Are you okay?" you respond, "Never been better." You paid the ultimate price, and he didn't even laugh.

Shoaib Ahmed Sayam doesn't need coffee because he stays up all night anyway, doing the things he should be doing during the day. Send him John Cena memes at facebook.com/ooribabamama