POST GRAD OR MARRIAGE?

Last year of college brings with it a lot of changes. You are now an almost grown up, who sort of knows what s/he wants to do with their life and are nearly ready for the next big step. That Next Big Step for many people leads to post-grad education; for a lot of others in our country, it means marriage knocking on the door. It becomes a crucial turning point in life, urging fresh graduates to make a decision between higher studies or tying the knot. 

While we're excitedly looking up where we'd like to study/work next or planning the much-awaited post-graduation trip with our friends, the proposals start pouring in and the biodatasstart circulating. 

Sometime into the few months following graduation, you'll find out that the trip to Aarong happened so that a certain person and their family could see you firsthand unnoticed and that your photographs have been travelling among interested families for weeks now. 

MARRIAGE FIRST
Marriage is a wonderful institution. It means that you now have a companion for life –one who will be there through all the ups and downs, the exciting holidays and the dull weekends, when you look ravishing after a new haircut and when you look haggard in your sweats. 

Couples genuinely in love, especially those having dated for long enough to be certain of their decision, look at marriage as a natural progression. If you believe you have found the right person, and your families approve, then why the delay, right? 

Beyond that, the reasons for marriage seem to divide between the two sexes. 

For a man, getting married is likely to instil into him a sense of responsibility and stability. He is more likely to sober down from a possibly less stable lifestyle if he has a family to look after. 

For a woman, the biological clock continues to tick away and planning for marriage and kids earlier may seem like the safer plan. NowshinNayeem*,  a 25-year-old having graduated from university recently, eagerly looks forward to getting married because she wants to experience the freedom of finally being an adult. 

THE CASE FOR POST GRAD
On the other hand, someone more career-minded will choose to finish his/her studies first. Knowledge and education are essential life skills and in today's competitive world, the more educated person usually leads a better life. Being content with our capabilities makes us at peace with ourselves, which in turn makes for a happier relationship. Forgoing one's dreams and aspirations in order to fulfil society's expectations of us, on the other hand, just spells out a recipe for disaster. 

The point, in my opinion, is to go with the decision you deem best for yourself. Not by sprouting impertinent wings and rudely disregarding our families' dreams for us,but by making the half of a match where the qualifications, similarities and dissimilarities of both parties complement each other. I want to know I am at my best when I've decided to marry and so is he, and that neither of us has held back on our respective ambitions in order to settle down. We shouldn't have to "settle" for anything while embarking on the most important journey of our lives. 

The point is to choose an amazing post grad programme because you can't wait to learn more, or to choose to marry someone because you can't wait to start your life with them. 

*The name has been changed in light of the person's request for anonymity.

Sarah Anjum Bari is a ravisher of caffeine and prose, with a heart that lives in Parisian cafes. Reality checks to be sent in at s.anjumbari@gmail.com