“I’m definitely not addicted to coffee...”

"I want to say I woke up this morning, but I only got out of bed after a night of restless tossing and turning. This is what most nights look like for me, maybe I should look up whether I have insomnia.

Washing up, I had trouble focusing on the mirror, my head throbbing. I needed my morning coffee as soon as possible. Before I could even take the first sip of my strong black coffee, my sister tried saying something to me, but I only heard static. I turned my mug around so she could see the engraved quote 'Don't talk to me before I've had my coffee'. She rolled her eyes and left. I really don't understand the need for such hostility early in the morning.

While finally drinking my coffee, I could feel the miraculous warm liquid trickle down my throat and energise every cell in my body. The last gulp left me feeling elated, euphoric, invincible.

Upon switching my computer on I immediately backed off and covered my eyes. The screen was way too bright. I turned it down to the lowest extreme, entered my first class and tried my best to concentrate, without much hope. It's been a while since my attention span reached these lows. Random odd fragments of speech stand out to me, but the rest is drowned out by my own hyper alert mind. The experience leaves me jittery and anxious.

At a break between my classes my mom offered lunch, but the smell of food made me nauseous. I had a couple mugs of coffee instead.

After my classes ended for the day, my mom urged me to go for an afternoon walk. I masked up and walked to my favourite coffee shop, South End. The scent of roasted coffee makes me wonder if anything in life could possibly be more sensuous. The person ordering before me asked for an iced caramel latte with extra cream. It annoyed my soul to the very core. Why not just have a milkshake? Why ruin the sacred experience of pure coffee? I loudly ordered Americano with an extra shot of espresso and shot milkshake man the smuggest look I could muster. Some people just don't deserve the good things in life.

Having gotten my drink, I just had to take an aesthetic picture of it. It took several tries since my hands were shaky. That didn't really concern me at all since I did eventually get my picture. I made the coolest post ever, with the extremely quirky caption of, 'I brew my coffee with the tears of my haters #ImAVentiGirl #InACoffeeWorld' I took a long, satisfied look at my feed, all pictures of coffee, and me with my coffee, before switching my phone off to enjoy my coffee.

I walked home with difficulty, feeling lightheaded. At home I did some reading, taking five hours for what should have taken me two, as I was unable to sit still and concentrate. I skipped dinner as I still didn't have an appetite, but I did have some dessert of tiramisu. Done with my day, I went to bed and commenced my nightly unsuccessful attempt at falling asleep.

And there you go, a description of how yesterday went. This is pretty much how most of my days go. I don't have any unhealthy habits, and limit screen time before bed. I can't fathom what could be causing all these issues."

The doctor was silent for a long time, and finally leaned forward and asked, "Did it ever occur to you that the ungodly amounts of caffeine you consume on a regular basis could be causing these effects?"

To say that I have never been more astonished in my life would be an understatement. Did this woman even hear anything I said so far? Coffee is what keeps me going, energises and nourishes me. She can't possibly be in her right mind, suggesting I cut it back. I stood up, politely suggested she see a psychiatrist before spreading any more negativity into her patients' lives, and left.

Amrin Tasnim Rafa is always confused, it's literally her dominant personality trait. This is maybe her email, she can't be sure: amrinrafa@gmail.com