Learning the BCG matrix through your friend circle

Ever wondered what universally accepted “techniques” marketing teams use to figure out the success/failure of particular brands? Well, today’s your lucky day, because today we’re about to learn how the Boston Consulting Group (BCG) matrix works --- a box divided into four boxes that categorizes a brands portfolio according to the characteristics each of the four boxes represent.

The rows represent the level of market growth rate while the columns represent the level of relative market share. The four categories are termed as ‘Star’, ‘Cash Cow’, ‘Question Mark’ and ‘Dog’. Each category can hold more than one Strategic Business United (SBU).

So why not reimagine these SBUs as the different type of friends in your life, the market growth rate can relate to how good/bad of an influence they have, the relative market share can relate to how long you and your friend have known each other. So let’s make our own categories, titled ‘Bling’, ‘Bud’, ‘Huh’ and ‘Snake’, respectively.

So let’s get right into it.

Bling

The friends in this category are relatively new in your group, but you start getting a nice vibe from them. They are friendly, they make you want to do stupid things with them and ultimately, you see a potential for them to become your new best dudes/dudettes for life. Blings could be a new-found gym buddies, classmates from some extracurricular, or that one school classmate who didn’t really talk to you before but suddenly takes an interest in you.

Blings can eventually end up becoming Buds or straight up Snakes, depending on how long your “forever” lasts in your new emotional BFF stage.

Bud

These are friends that have relatively been in your group for quite a while. Similar to Blings, they are enjoyable to be around and will not raise a toxic environment around you, nor will they raise toxicity within you. Buds could be old school friends, gym buddies you managed to keep in touch with, that one guy you met while playing an online game years ago.

Buds can remain in this category for a lifetime, or they can suddenly turn into snakes as well. Or worse, a Huh if they fall out of touch.

Huh

These are new members in your circle that eventually speak up in a hangout and pop a joke once every ten minutes and then go all silent again for another half an hour or so. They might seem shady because you don’t know much about them.

Huhs might just stay as huhs, disappear from your life completely, or even move onto any of the other categories. You never know. 

Snake

Now these are members of your circle you wish you could get rid of, but can’t. They somehow slither their way into your hangouts and, no matter how hard you try, they’ll find a way to put a damper on things or stir up some trouble. You know, that one “friend” that loves to get a laugh at your expense.

There is no hope for snakes, but if you’re smart, you’ll navigate your way around them as much as possible.

Aka is a tiny bleep on the world’s radar, and he finds peace in knowing it. Ruin his peace by poking him on akaaraf@hotmail.com