On a dull, monotonous day at work/university, you suddenly hear the word "assignment." Just as I begin to etch out a work plan, things take a turn for the worse when the word "group" is added. Knowing my luck, I know I'll get the worst teammates who will mysteriously disappear into thin air whenever their work is due.

This is dedicated to them.

Please do not say you have personal problems

Personal problems are the worst excuse simply because of how vague they usually are. It is insanely hard to assess whether the teammate is actually being truthful or if I am being a judgmental jerk.

Are you crying because you had to go through something awful, or because you're trying to hide a yawn out of boredom? We will never know. Since you are most likely to be able to have someone else do your work for you anyway, specifying a difficulty due to which you are unable to participate in a project is practically community work for your crimes.

Attempt to follow through with your excuses

The person who cried wolf is a teammate nobody wants. As kids, many of us feared getting caught lying about homework. But now, introverts like myself think of things from the teacher's perspective. What does one do in the event of catching someone lying about their work?

To avoid any awkward encounters, I would suggest teammates to at least put effort in if you're going to lie about your schedule. Saying that you have an important hospital appointment only to post stories online of yourself visiting a fancy new restaurant just makes the lives of others difficult, especially those who fear confrontation.

Do not take credit for things you have not done

At this point, you are asking for people to frown at you. Taking credit for tasks carried out by others under the guise of groupwork is actually self-damaging. How, you may ask? Well, the group of people you just enraged are unlikely to ever help you out with a group assignment during one of your "personal emergencies" ever again. A more reasonable approach would be to thank those who helped you with free food. Consider it an investment for your future.

Never give false hope

This is significantly worse than not showing up at all for work. Pushing deadlines under the pretext of getting work done, when in reality you have no intention of getting any work done at all, will hamper your only chances of getting good evaluation marks for the assignment. This is because, if your groupmates are extra naïve and nice, they may be waiting for you to send your part of the completed work even on the day of the deadline.

Although it may seem like unwanted advice from an old person, asking others to do work for you does greater harm to your skill-set, because that way, your abilities may never get the chance to even begin developing. Be honest, for what you put out into the world is what is returned to you.

Or at least, have the courtesy to pretend.

Bushra Zaman likes books, art, and only being contacted by email. Contact her at bushrazaman31@yahoo.com