DESIGN: KAZI AKIB BIN ASAD

Welcome to Unique Event Planners! At Unique Event Planners we specialise in handling the trickiest of events so no matter how awkward or risky your occasion is, trust us when we say we have seen and lived through worse. Sit back, commit to one of our packages and let us take care of your event. Here are some of our packages:

INTERVENTIONS

This is for the special day when you realise your friend is addicted to Gummy Bears or they are throwing away their life for someone who can't count past ten. These packages are on the more expensive side because they are always disguised as a different event for you to successfully lure your friend into (we're smart that way).

Just tell us in advance what your friend is suffering from so it doesn't accidentally clash with our décor or menu. Included in our package:

Location scouting and venue selection: We will always pick the most unexpected venue so your friend doesn't suggest a thing. Previous locations we have used include the checkout counter at Two-Stop Shopping Mall and an open space between the trees in the park where your friend goes running.

Food: People usually don't have a big appetite after an intervention takes place but we cater custom comfort food to soothe your friend after they have been told their life is a mess.

Also for sensitivity reasons and basic human decency, this package does not include a photographer or videographer because it is highly unlikely anyone wants to see this go down twice.

Platinum package: Includes a projector and screen which makes it easier to illustrate to your friend where exactly their life started going downhill. We'll even make the PowerPoint presentation for an extra fee.

WEDDING PROPOSALS

Let Unique Event Planners handle the stress of proposing to your loved one. These days a simple proposal with a ring and a heartfelt speech is guaranteed to be answered with "boring". We specialise in over-the-top proposals with overhead drone photography and featuring exotic birds of your choice designed for maximum Instagram likes.

We go all out on these packages since it's the most important day of your life (arguably more important than your wedding because if this goes wrong there is no wedding).

The package includes:

Location scouting and venue selection: We specialise in shutting entire establishments down for several hours for your private event. So far we have shut down shopping malls, restaurants, parks, and resorts. People often confuse us with food inspection authorities.

Photography and videography: Our photographers are masters of disguise and trained in ninja skills. They will give you the illusion that you and your loved one are alone and therefore capture the event stationed from nearby trees, pillars, and/or décor props.

Décor: The colour palette of the event will be coordinated with whichever filter the pictures are to be uploaded on Instagram. Sometimes the favourite colours of the couple are taken into consideration but honestly what's more important is how it looks online so we tend to prioritise.

Platinum package: Our platinum events always take place in the sky – helicopters, hot air balloons, magic carpets, or chartered aircrafts. Something about being in a risky vehicle, with chances of disaster, psychologically makes your date associate you with safety and therefore say "Yes" (we read this online so it must be true).

Please note that we do not have a refund policy for the package if your significant other says "No". We can, however, delete any video evidence of the event to spare you further embarrassment.

REUNIONS

We arrange reunion events for school and childhood friends, extended family members, as well as long lost siblings who you have recently learned, had, in fact, survived that tragic train accident 15 years ago.

Our package includes chaperones present at the event who will discreetly remind you who everyone else is to spare any awkwardness that might stem because you absolutely cannot recognise half the people you are dining with.

We also have dialect and accent translators because your friend who moved to England two months ago may already be speaking in a thick accent that is more confusing than amusing.

Photography: Our photographers will capture as many non-awkward moments as possible. We will try to take fewer candids because let's face it, everything about this event is staged.

FAMILY EVENTS

The highest level of stress goes into planning plain old family events. Hand over the responsibility to us so you are no longer the one who's yelled at when the dish contains Parmigiano-Reggiano and not parmesan cheese.

Location scouting and venue selection: We always book venues that can accommodate the average-sized Bangladeshi family. Football stadiums and parade grounds are our usual go-to.

Décor: We will make it look like you are spending just the right amount on this event. We won't make it too fancy or else your relatives will think you have way too much to spend nor will we make it look too thrifty or else your relatives will accuse you of being kipta.

Catering: Food is integral to this event as it may be the only reason most people show up in the first place. We will custom fix the menu based on your home district, the weather, the time of day and whether or not you will pretend to be the real cook in front of your guests.

Platinum package: We will have personal quiet zones scattered around the venue so people can take turns taking a deep breath and remind themselves that no, it is not okay to physically hurt your relatives no matter what their comment was on your outfit.

No matter how scary your event, Unique Event Planners has got your back!

 

Mrittika Anan Rahman is a daydreamer trying hard not to run into things while walking. Find her at anan_rahman7@yahoo.com