BREAKING NEWS: Lone GPA 2.5 HSC Student Found

An unbelievable discovery took place yesterday in the capital's traffic-congested streets when a 17-year old girl produced an original HSC certificate which showed that she had gotten an unheard of 2.5 GPA. Reporters, Education Ministers and NGO workers rushed to the spot to verify the truth behind this remarkable news for themselves. 

“In all my life, I have never heard of a student getting 2.5. She is not part of the 71 percent and this can prove to be a serious set-back. Her life is literally over. Thank God for under-the-table child marriages that we allow,” a senior reporter commented. When queried, the Minister for Education Not Really also expressed his shock. “We were afraid something like this would happen. We will find and punish the culprits, but not really. We even dumbed down our textbooks this year by getting rid of intelligent writings. We have formed a committee to look into this matter and we will take stern action,” The Minister said in a press meet, using the same script he and his party members have used for the last 7 years or so. 

The girl whose name cannot be disclosed for the shame it would cause to her family is currently undergoing treatment for the stress she faced for not achieving CGPA 5. “She is traumatised. No news channels made fun of her. Her parents have obviously disowned her. She cannot even be a doctor or an engineer or a banker. There are literally no other professions apart from those in the world,” a doctor of the hospital she is in said. Eyes full of tears as usual, an NGO worker on the scene had much to say. They were mostly about needing funds for a glitzy new office set up she needed to make sure this never happens again but some of what she said was alarming indeed. “She will never again get to throw her fingers up and make a V-sign,” she said, among unending sobs. 

This is the first time that a student with less than GPA 5 has come across the media and thus, the reporters have been advised to give her some space. The government has also refused to release any information regarding this particular issue. While countries begin to impress the need to think of growth (measure of a student's improvement) instead of proficiency (ability to meet a standard score), Bangladesh is left editing school textbooks without letting the editors know and almost fetishising the love of big scores. 

The real question that we must ask is whether more such students without GPA 5s exist because according to the media and Facebook statuses they clearly don't. We celebrate the 71 percent but forget the remaining, (what, like, 100 minus 71) 16 percent of the pupils. Hopefully the dumbed down new textbooks will help and from henceforth we can march towards 100 percent GPA 5 whether by fair means or unfair means. Got to meet the quota, right?