Don't Police the Police, please

Exasperation. That would be the word best used to describe a Gulshan man's disposition when he realised a cop was demanding 1200 taka as bribe from a rickshaw van. When the cop casually explained that he only wanted 120 taka, the man burst out, yelling “What for?” his voice dripping with rage and bemusement, in equal measure. The traffic constable himself appeared confused; it's only 120 taka, he must have been thinking. This was Dhaka, after all, where the traffic police were used to making up rules and taking bribes from kids to “teach them heart-warming lessons” about the monetary damage getting caught with drugs could do.

For what it's worth, a local daily reported that the Deputy Commissioner (DC) clarified that it wasn't 120 taka but 1200 taka and was not required as a bribe but rather as a fine, terms almost interchangeable in this country. You see, he explained, the cops would never allow rickshaw vans and rickshaws to ply the fancy, glitzy, #VIP4Ever roads. Rickshaws damage roads way more than trucks laden with cement for high paying construction firms and the traffic-inducing but pocket-heavy owners’ boasting buses. Facts are, no one understands what the cops or sergeants can consider a violation of a law no one was educated on. And many of us doubt whether the cops themselves are well-versed in whatever they think is their version of the law that governs them and us.

It is impertinent to mention that cops are actually above the law and a lot of citizens seem to not understand that. Think about it for a minute; when a VIP has blocked the city so they can tell themselves there's no traffic in Dhaka, who are the only ones allowed to stand on rooftops? The police. Who are the only armed people allowed to stand on footover-bridges? The police. Who are allowed to drive the wrong way whenever they damn well please? The police. Who park wherever they want, whenever they want? The police. Who have gotten away the most after hitting someone else's vehicle with their vehicle? The police. Who feel they can get a free bus ride? The police. Therefore, this should establish that the police themselves are above the law. In fact, police officers reportedly conduct trials for their own police officers. The Court of Law can mind its own damn business. Thus, while if I asked you for a bribe to slip your name into this article, it might be unethical and illegal but we shouldn't hold officers of the law to the same standards.

Did you buy your way into the position in your current place of employment? Did you pay your superior a cool million to stand under the sun in a busy intersection on a hot day? You damn well didn't, so you have no reason to resort to bribes. Plus, do you know how low police officers are paid? It's almost as if no one told them about their salary before they applied for and got their government jobs which regularly publish circulars and news on the amount of salary available. So obviously, with less money earned than even I do (Seriously, can someone flexiload me something?), you can't always fault them for being a little greedy because it's a need and playful greed. However, just understanding their problems aren't enough. Guarding this city full of jerk drivers and evil, generally less-tax paying citizens is never easy. Which is why our Mayor never misses a chance to remind the rest of us how poor we are. It's why Gulshan is Fort Knox during holidays and VIP roads tolerate rule-breaking bus drivers and rule-breaking cars with white flagstands and not beggars. Beggar Free Areas mean ZERO POVERTY. Problem. Solved.

All things said, remember these few incidents to never make the same mistakes as these lawfully ignorant folks. A photojournalist was recently assaulted for daring to wear a red coloured t-shirt during a VIP movement in the city. That's basically asking for it. VIPS are actually cows in disguise who freak out at such alarming colours. In 2013, a poet was arrested for being a poet and researcher; the warrant was a fake one so the police never had to accept they arrested him for writing those poems that only your friends think are poems while the rest of us know are excruciatingly terrible. Sometimes the cops may just show up to your door and ask for a few lakhs, because what the hell? That was what a couple in the city's Rupnagar area discovered to their shock. The incident went unreported at the time but the cops were brutally suspended. Leave with pay. Go learn your lessons in your mini-vacation while we transfer you to a location with less press coverage. So don't keep more than a few lakhs in your account. Finally, do not dare die of bullet holes in the posh Gulshan road. Last month, a woman's body was found in the city's VERY CLEAN/RICKSHAW FREE area of Gulshan and the police said it was obviously a car accident. Forensics experts found two bullets though, in the bullet holes in her body we assume, and explained to the cops why it wasn't a car accident. Cops are just the goofiest mad lads at times.

The question we must finally ask is what to do. Well, since even our police high officials don't know themselves, I guess there's no point in waiting for me to come up with something. I'll leave you with a joke next time.