War of the Blood-Suckers

The war has just begun and those championing the side of the good, according to the media, are failing. Minor battles and skirmishes are being won but the war is being lost. However, the matter at hand isn't a simple open and shut case of bombing the opposition into oblivion since that strategy has historically been known to be the worst strategy that can be applied. This war is a beast of an altogether different nature; it cannot be tamed and it cannot be discarded. It must be destroyed in such a way so as to never emerge again, unless of course it emerges in an altogether different place with an altogether different name despite having the same players and the same agenda. So what is this so-called great war all about?

The war in question really began four years ago. The Zika Mosquito Clan (ZMC) chapter of Brazil hadn't really taken root or weren't as visible. However, they were seen as an inevitable threat and steps needed to be taken before they grew in numbers. The United Pesticide Coalition had a plan in place. They would band together and infiltrate the ZMC by launching their own Genetically Modified Mosquitoes (GMMs). These Mosquitoes would not only be fully trained in armed and feeler to feeler combat but would also be made to fit the James Bond mould; sexy but scary. The first phase of the plan involved the GMMs getting cozy with the females of the ZMC and eventually impregnating them. The resulting offspring though would die along with the female due to the GMMs low sterility (but heavy machismo), resulting in a smaller pool of fanatic mosquitoes who firmly believe in the principles of Zika. However, things have not gone according to plan.

“We started operations 300 km away from where ZMC have taken root,” Commander Mosquito 1 of GMM stated. As the GMM began the most sexist war campaign in the history of the world, defections began to take place and some fear this may have actually led to the sudden unstoppable spread of the Zikaideaology. “There is maybe a 5-15% chance of defection but the gains are higher. Doing nothing is worst; in 2009, there were a bunch of Dengue militant mosquitoes in Key West, Florida and before they wreaked havoc, we wanted to send ground troops. We weren't allowed and so the result was 93 people being affected by the mosquitoes' anti-state activities,” Commander Mosquito 1 said, drawing a parallel with that and 9/11, where authorities knew something was bound to happen but they did absolutely nothing. “Our genes mean the offspring will never be born and our level of sterility also means we won't survive either. This is basically killing off the next generation of militant fanatics in the most humane way without having to resort to Israel's pink-washing policy of child killing:“we had to shoot because the 11 year old Palestinian Hamas agent girl had a dangerous stone and some shizz'”, he eloquently explained.

Another thorn in GMM's side is the Pro-Blood Sucking Mosquitoes Right's group. “This is a patriarchal mosquito war and we are blatantly sending the message that it is ok to seduce, have physical relations and then abandon the Brazilian Female Mosquitoes all because they are a little different from the rest of us and spread disease,” an incredulous activist ranted who was angered further when addressed by a gender pronoun. “This entire campaign reeks of sexism, racism, cultural appropriation and frankly plagiarism as it completely mimics the technique of the great Jeffery Amherst, Britain's Commander in chief in North America who popularized the act of using smallpox to wipe out Native Americans,” 'we' concluded. The GMM's have also faced further criticism from the millions who hate anything genetically modified, especially, and no surprise, the Russians. The developing world has also accused the world powers of using this as an excuse to force the abortion issue in countries where it is yet not socially acceptable.

When the dust has settled in the battlefield, only then can we know who the victor was and who wasn't. GMMs only success so far have been documented by a suspicious report on their progress in the Cayman Island while some say there has been a 90% success rate in Brazil too. However, asking mosquitoes to fight other mosquitoes is almost like asking militants to fight other militants. Oh wait. Been there, done that too. But before the verdict is outthough, don't let any mosquito suck your blood, take no sides, use your common sense and consult your doctor and not your news stations.