Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

One fine day, about 13 years ago, while surfing through channels my sibling came across this yellow cheese who lived inside a pineapple. Or at least I thought he was a cheese. From the moment I set my eyes on this yellow whatever, I knew, I just knew I would despise the creature till my very last breath. 

It was definitely his perpetual happiness and optimism that set me off at first. I have to assume the character Janice from Friends was inspired, to some extent, by Spongebob. The resemblance to the voice and how they both make me feel is uncanny. Now, let's not be too harsh on him because of his voice. But, what about his other character traits? He has no self respect, he doesn't understand when a person isn't fond of him, and, in short, he isn't a very smart cheese. If I had kids, I would want them to watch shows about smarter cheese. JUST LET SQUIDWARD BE, OKAY?

I remember I was forced to sit and watch this abomination while there was Scooby-Doo airing just a click away only because my siblings liked it. And every time Spongebob laughed, a single brain cell died inside my head. Mom and dad, this is the real reason I haven't amounted to anything yet.

Now, before all the Spongebob fans start charging towards my house with pitchforks, let me just tell you, I have nothing against the show. I would totally watch it if Sandy was the main character. It's just this particular character that gets on my every last nerve. Okay, maybe that does not make things better but isn't it time for Spongebob to start acting his own age? How old is he even? 

Moving on, tell me what makes any character lovable? Their relatability with us, right? I'm sure we can all relate to some extent with Mr. Krabs and Plankton and before a particularly difficult exam we all feel a bit like Patrick. Let's not even get started about our relatability with Squidward. But, Spongebob? 

This entire rant meant no hate for all those who are a fan of the dotted yellow creature. But, can we just all agree to disagree that the world would be a better place with Sandy as the main character of the show? 

Tasnim Odrika is an ardent lover of shutki. She likes to sleep on sacks of shutki instead of pillows because the smell reminds her of her childhood. Send her shutki at shutki_princess@rediffmail.com