Tales of jamming with friends

Much like those jumbo packs of chips you secretly buy, music is best when shared. Nothing compares to the feeling of creating beautiful melodies with your companions, which is why people love organising jamming sessions. The following are some of the many things that happen when you're jammin' without a care in the world.

LACKINGS IN THE EQUIPMENT DEPARTMENT

The tools of the trade are the most important part of making music, so it makes perfect sense for them to be in shortage. Because of the location of the jam host's house and lack of transportation, not everyone is able to bring their instruments. When the number of people exceeds the number of instruments, drastic measures need to be taken. These range from coaxing out instruments from the neighbourhood to kicking the offenders. From the roof. 300-style.

THAT'S NOT WHAT MUSIC SOUNDS LIKE, IS IT?

No it is not. I am, of course, referring to the point in time when everyone is present with their equipment and warming up. To an outsider, the sounds coming from the room might make it seem like Lil Wayne has been allowed to play instruments again. The reality is much less exciting, since the discordant noises are just sounds of different people tuning their guitar/bass/drums/cowbell. Bonus points to annoyingness if the dude with the electric guitar turns on the amp before plugging in the cord. And that, kids, is how electric guitar babies are made.

PERFECTION

You've done the hard part. After getting the people and the instruments together, everyone is finally warmed up and in tune. This is the part you've all been preparing for, when you can finally let go. The bass leads you in and it all comes together in utter perfection. The drums pump furiously yet tirelessly. The booming bass sets the stage while the shrieking guitars rock it. This is it. This is the dream, what makes the long trek absolutely worth it. For these few minutes, or the remainder of the song, you are invincible.

PER-FLUKE-TION?

After the first song set the standards impossibly high, it all comes crashing down. The drummer morphs into Lars Ulrich, and is unable to remain at a stable tempo for more than a few seconds. The bass sounds like it has sputtered, coughed, and cried. The electric guitar is nothing more than a mess of distorted garble. It seems getting that one song right was nothing more than a bit of good fortune.

OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW

Devastated by the failures, the group decides to learn something new together. This fresh start takes up more time than anyone had foreseen, and it sounds a lot like the second point of this article.

Before you know it the jam is over and everyone has left. You would be sadder about this if your ears weren't already bleeding. "Maybe next time will be better", you think to yourself. Unfortunately, there is no next time because you've lost all hearing in your ears. I'm sorry for your loss.

With a heart of ash and a PC of potato, Wasique Hasan could use some help. Send memes to cheer him up at facebook.com/hasique.wasan