Climate crisis worsens, Boshonto and Shorot cancelled

In a shocking announcement, Bangladesh Met Office yesterday said the country no longer has six seasons.

"The climate crisis is escalating. People have been complaining about the rise in temperature every year, so our announcement that boshonto and shorot are cancelled should not come as a surprise," said met official and climate scientist Dr Farid F Farzan.

"Boshonto exists only in the minds of poets and romantics now, while shorot is merely amplified summer with clouds in the sky. Both of these seasons are now part of Bangladesh's nine-month long summer."

"It is clear that we have three distinct seasons -- summer, rainy season, and winter. However, we must acknowledge the brief period of soft winds right before winter, hence hemonto or late autumn's season status still stands," Farid further explained. "We estimate that hemonto will get cancelled within a few years, though. It's defined by the harvesting of crops, which was never a weather event in the first place," he said.

The announcement sparked an outcry around the country, especially as people were gearing up for a festive Pahela Falgun, marking the first day of the now non-existent spring.

Ariana Rahim (20), a student of North West University, said, "I had an elaborate outfit planned. I was ready to dress up and complain about the heat for the entire day. Now what am I supposed to do? Does this mean Pahela Falgun is now the first day of summer?"

Students of Dhoka University brought out processions demanding the restoration of Boshonto as a season. Student leader Piston Saha said, "First climate change came for the people of coastal areas and we didn't say anything. Now it has come for our seasonal celebrations; if we don't speak now, then when?"

SSC examinee Faria Khan almost burst into tears while explaining how she wrote a Shororitu-r Bangladesh essay in her Bangla second paper exam. "Look I just wanted to get creative and poetic with the descriptions. I wrote four pages each on these two seasons and now I see they're cancelled. What if this affects my grade?" said a heartbroken Faria. "I should've answered the Biggan o Projukti-r Obodan essay like everyone else," she muttered.

Meanwhile, Bangla Council of Elders' Director General Narazi Mahmud said they are still working out the technicalities of defining each season according to the Bangla calendar. "The council is busy coming up with new, unnecessary spellings for common Bangla words at the moment. We will work with the relevant ministries to define each season after completing this task at hand," he told this correspondent.

Dr Farid at a talk show later in the day said, "Why are the kids so sad about Pahela Falgun? They're angry at the scientists just because we woke people up to the harsh reality of climate change."

"It was the Council of Elders that cancelled Boshonto the moment they decided to change up the calendar, mixing up the first day of spring with Valentine's Day," Dr Farid yelled at the camera in response to a viewer's question, "The integrity of spring was lost then and there. I'm just here with scientific evidence that boshonto and shorot have zero difference with Bangladeshi summer, in terms of weather events. In fact, shorot is hotter than summer."

However, Dr Farid's breakdown did little to calm people, and Piston Saha's Left Inclining Student Party (LISP) burned an effigy of the scientist at Shahbagh at 11pm last night.