Cricket team now to be coached by board president with no cricket experience

He has already piloted this strategy during a recent match, after Chapasthan had finished batting. He held a press conference and blasted their performance during the innings break, and the pilot turned out to be a resounding success.

After the public tongue-lashing, Chapasthan romped to a comfortable win.

"As you know, I don't like to interfere in the cricket side of things anymore," Kaman later told a television camera. On a side note, it was learnt from sources close to the camera that Kaman can now no longer speak unless a television camera is pointed at him.

"But we have to find out what is wrong with the team," Kaman told the camera. He zeroed in on one batsman, Shunno Paash. "I think Shunno can open in T20s, but not in ODIs… he should bat at five or six. I don't want to force anything on them. I don't do that anymore."

Shunno opened the batting in the next match, but failed to score again.

That seemed to give Kaman more ammunition in his next communique with the nation, and the team, through TV cameras. This time he turned his focus on the coach – aka the one talking to the team who was hired because of his cricket expertise.

"If we ask the coach why they batted badly, he will point towards their shot-selection. What will be my reply?" he asked the cameras. "What does shot selection have to do with it? All shots are interchangeable -- efficacy levels may vary, but it's about preventing serious illnesses…"

At this point, a CCB director sitting next to him leant over and said, "Sir, that press conference is scheduled for later. This is the cricket one."

"Oh, right," Kaman grunted. "Next question."

Asked whether he should be giving specific cricket advice to the team, that too in the middle of matches, when he did not have any cricket experience to speak of, Kaman said, "That is a silly question. Who is the coach? He is hired and fired by the board. I am the board president… Tell me who knows more: a doctor working in the hospital or the man running the hospital? The pharmacist or the owner of the pharmacy? Don't be silly. I am a medicine man; I know how to fix things.

"But now, I can't even sit with the players due to Covid. They don't even allow me into the bio-bubble. What can I do?"

In news that may be related, speaking on condition of anonymity, a member of the coaching staff said they are thinking of extending the bio-bubble even if the pandemic passes.