Couple has been together for so long that they’re practically the same person

While a portion of the population suffering from commitment anxiety continues to change partners and rediscover their soulmates in anything that moves, Shadman and Ramisa have been together for so long that it's starting to impact the people around them. As commendable as their relationship is, their friends are finding it difficult to identify the two as separate human beings.

"While Shadman and Ramisa have my blessing, the love they share gets on my nerves at times, knowing that my commitment anxiety will never let me have what they do," said Fardin, a mutual friend of Shadman and Ramisa.

"And it gets harder when I'm going through post-breakup blues. What's worse is they console me together, as a couple, telling me that it's okay to be single. Of course, it's okay to be single but I don't want to hear that from people who've been in a relationship for a bazillion years, do I?" he continued. 

"Rather, I want to hear it from my socially isolated friend whose crippling anxiety helps me look down upon him and feel good about my pathetic life choices."

"I always find them in pairs," complained Fardin, "When I call upon one of them, the other always sticks around. They have the same stories to tell, the same jokes to laugh at, and the same gossip to share. It's like two super interesting, creative and productive individuals have blended into one uninteresting and unproductive primitive entity whose only personality is being in a relationship. Whenever I have something to say to Shadman or Raisa, I just say it to whoever's available because I know that the information is going to reach both of them either way. The buy-one-get-one offer isn't as fun in human beings as it is in the case of pizzas."

Certain behavioural patterns about Shadman and Raisa have started to creep their friends out as well. 

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"At this point, they don't even speak for themselves anymore. They speak as a singular entity and use the pronoun 'we' whenever they speak. And as they speak in unison, their faces get blended and I can't differentiate between who's who," lamented Fardin. 

"They start to look like some creepy comic book figure created by Junji Ito. I'm pretty sure Stephen King got the idea of the identical twins in The Shining from Shadman and Raisa," Fardin got the chills as he spoke, "Maybe there's a very fine line between being in love and selling your souls to the devil."

"It was our bazillionth anniversary last month," said Shadman and Raisa, in unison, "We don't want to sound mean but after being together for so long and having seen so many couples break up, you can't blame us for not taking our friend's 13th relationship seriously," the couple said. 

"Although we go on to console our friends after their breakups, we secretly keep a list of all the other couples we surpassed in terms of longevity. Making other people feel insecure about their relationship as they compare themselves with our parameters gives us the ego boost we crave."

"We only have one other couple to beat – Rakib and Rupban, who've been together for a bazillion and one year. We can't wait for their annihilation so that we can celebrate their breakup, find jubilation in their broken hearts and tears," smiled Raisa and Shadman, as they looked into each other's eyes with glimpses of hope in them. 

Remind Ifti to be quieter at hasiburrashidifti@gmail.com