THE Dhaka University proctor is perhaps excusing himself from all Pahela Baishakh culpabilities because the unprecedented crime took place 'outside' his university elaka, the demarcation of which can subjectively mean a difference as huge as being a tiger inside one's own territory and a kitten outside. However, his saatranj ka khiladi deportment, as claimed by students, after learning of the wicked act in his own front yard was improper as a teacher and as a learned citizen. What would have been his best move? No chess moves will be considered. (A) Find out if his university students are in any danger or creating any problem, (B) Bring the matter to the notice of the Vice-Chancellor, (C) Take measures to involve the law because his university's image is threatened. 

Perchance if an act of criminal nature, laced with any degree of jhamela, takes place on a road (or a river) that divides two neighbouring police stations, the victim has had it; the push and pull begins in deciding which thana has the jurisdiction to take up his left arm and which the right, and if matters are least rewarding how competitive they can be to avoid taking up the case.

You hear people yelling and shrieking, furniture toppling, more shouting, thuds and then eerie silence in an apartment in your building. What is your best move? (A) Knock on the door of the apartment seemingly under attack, (B) Press the calling bell and cough loudly because it could be a marital row, (C) Stay where you are and take cover under a doorsill; after all it is ten in the morning and they say an earthquake is imminent. No prizes for the right answer.

You are driving at cruising speed along a highway. The car in front of you is too slow to your liking. You honk and honk. Grrrr! The car gathers speed, and in an attempt to give you pass veers so much to the left that it crashes into a three-wheeler, whose passengers are thrown off and are bleeding profusely on the tarmac. You press on the accelerator, and give not more than a left glance to catch a glimpse of the driver of the car you pushed, yes you, slumped on the steering wheel. What is your best move? You guessed right, move. Your logic: (A) Neither of the vehicles are your responsibility, (B) Honk does not necessarily mean the driver had to give you pass, you wouldn't, (C) Roads should be wider because you pay tax.

A news item concerning a public disturbance by political elements makes the headlines. Damage to property and critical injuries have occurred. Gunshots and death perhaps. One of our first reactions is 'who done it?' If the culprits belong to the party we support even if from afar, then we immediately bring out the 'outsider' tag and squarely blame the opposition because (A) they have infiltrated into our ranks for pecuniary benefits, (B) this is typically their signature work, (C) our boys were never so bad.

On the other hand, if the perpetrators of the law and order situation are from the camp we do not see eye to eye (not because all politicians wear dark glasses), then we heave a sigh of relief because we will be above blame, realising little that either way our nation is one more step closer to going to the dogs.

Those of us who own/use cars are very particular about keeping the inside of our vehicle neat and tidy. We most usually blame the city mayor for the filth on the streets, not perhaps ever stopping to think that we may have made our contributions too. Since we are in our protected space costing lakhs, we consider it totally justified to soil the street that costs crores. Our brazen actions include throwing out of the window tissue papers and foil packs and water bottles and banana peels and worn out sandals and the day's newspaper and well-used diapers because (A) the inside is air-conditioned, (B) there is only that much space inside, (C) the outside is someone else's court.

My mother is not in this hospital before which the signboard reads 'hospital' and I know patients need quiet from my twenty visits to Singapore and three to the USA. Oh! What a system they have there, I tell everyone. But, because this is Bangladesh (A) I shall blast my car's loud horn as many times as I feel is right to make the b - - - - - d puller move his rickshaw,(B) I shall open the car window and up the volume to maximum, so that Dhaka-bashis can hear this fabulous new release, (C) there is no system here.

My son does not go to this school …

The author is a practising Architect at BashaBari Ltd., a Commonwealth Scholar and a Fellow, a Baden-Powell Fellow Scout Leader, and a Multiple Paul Harris Fellow-cum-Benefactor Rotarian