Half capacity at full tilt the only way to defeat Covid: Minister

The Chapasthan government yesterday said the only way to stop Covid-22 in its tracks is to introduce half-capacity measures in every sphere of life, said sources who heard other sources talking.

When border districts were teeming with new cases of the Beta variant, the government announced that they would extend the ongoing curbs for 10 more days.

"All curbs have to do with half capacity measures," a health ministry circular said. 

The curbs include restaurants operating at half capacity, inter-district buses and city buses operating at half capacity, the collective brain cells of the country operating at half capacity, and other half-capacity measures, sources operating at half capacity said.

"We need to keep the economy going, that is very important for an LDC like us. We can't afford lockdowns, but what we can do is keep everything going at half capacity," Transport and Covid Minister Omaigo Bader said at the ministry.

Asked how the government plans to enforce the measures, especially as there have been reports that buses were operating at full capacity, the minister said, "You are underestimating your government. Have you seen the development that we have brought about? When the government says something will be built, is it not built? In the same way, when we announce that things will run at half capacity, that too is being followed."

Answering a question about vaccine procurement and the government relying on just one source for vaccines, Bader said the answer is simple. "At first we were thinking about two sources. But what is half of two? You guessed it."

He also said thinking too much reduces our immune response and makes us vulnerable to Covid-22.

"That is what we mean by half capacity all across the board. Government offices will be operating at half capacity, so will law enforcement and hospitals. At home and at work, we also should not think too much about stuff. And what is Covid? It is a virus that lives on us… so if we operate at half capacity, full tilt, Covid's viability will also be halved. It's a no-brainer… anyone with half a brain can grasp it."

As he spoke, a double-decker bus went by his window and the upper level was seen full of people.

The minister also saw it and said, "Before you ask, the lower level is empty, so a full upper level still means half capacity. Boom! Ministered."

He then stepped out from behind the podium and revealed that he was wearing shorts. "Like I said, full tilt. By the way, your reporting should be done at half capacity too."