InCEL member terms ‘masked men date’ hogwash

After months of faithful mask-wearing amid the Covid-22 pandemic, a group calling themselves the Infinitely Charming and Evergreen Lads (InCEL) has announced a ban on its members wearing masks even as infection rates and deaths spike countrywide. 

The group came into prominence a few months after the onset of the pandemic and became very popular worldwide.

It started out with men (it is an all-male group) complaining on social media that because of stay-at-home guidelines, their love lives had taken a hit. They soon coalesced into a group where they mostly bragged about past romantic conquests and how they could not wait until the pandemic was over and they could be "out and about again". 

On a side note, this correspondent dug through the original members' profiles (all fully public, of course) and could not find a single picture of them on a date.

Once lockdown was eased, all the InCEL members went about with renewed confidence, sure that after long months of isolation, the dating scene will be lit.

"All of us wore masks religiously for the first few months after lockdown ended," said Osama Zaman, the founding member. "We were all very excited about the idea that was doing the rounds then – everyone was saying 'masked men date', so we were all wearing masks.

"But that was in fact counterproductive. No matter how much time we spent wearing masks – indoor selfies, outdoor selfies, bathroom selfies, shower selfies, whistling-at-the-fairer-sex-on-street-corner selfies – there was zero luck on the dating front.

"That is when we realised the real problem. As the mask hides half our faces, none of the ladies can see how handsome we are. So, I have declared last week that no InCEL member shall wear masks from now on. Things are about to get very busy!"

The group has also had very high turnover since the "no mask, now date" announcement, but experts say that is because a lot of them have been contracting Covid.

Meanwhile, Chapasthan Health Minister Mahid Zalek told reporters that InCEL members will not be forced to wear masks.

"It's not like they are mixing with anyone other than themselves anyway. Maybe, soon, we won't have a problem," he said.