Leave of absence

"Residents usually get 30 days of observation period," said the man at the reception, "but since it's a leap year, you get an extra day. You're to be informed that, upon signing this check-in form, you cannot change your mind in your allotted 30+1 days. So, I suggest you take your time before signing and not take any decision out of any sudden burst of emotions."

Laila didn't hesitate before signing the sheet. She had applied for the program six months back and had completely forgotten about it, until the members of the Hasan Mehmud Grants Society called to let her know that she was one of the lucky ones to be chosen out of 26,01,876 applicants for the program.

"Our founder, Dr Hasan Mehmud, suffered from the same crisis like you and I," said the woman giving the 10 of them a tour of the compound. "Dr Mehmud had an ailing wife, two kids, and a father to take care of. Naturally, the burden of responsibility was too much for him to prioritise his own needs and put an end to his life like all of us want to. So, he toiled year after year and built an empire now known as the Mehmud Group of Industries. Years later, both his father and his ailing wife passed away, and his two sons were left with enough money to not have to work for the rest of their lives. Dr Mehmud could now end his own life peacefully, but before that, he made sure that no one else had to go through the pain of living for the sake of others and could end their life whenever they wanted to. That's why, each year, 10 applicants are chosen out of millions for the program."

Laila had heard of the program from a colleague of hers, who had been trying to get in for the last seven years. "My daughter's three years old and my wife's still pretty young, you know," he had told Laila. "If I can escape now, she could possibly get married again and even have another child. And Henna, my daughter, she wouldn't even remember my face growing up. I need to get in the program more than anyone else, Laila."

There are different reasons why a person cannot just end his life. Financial responsibilities, emotional connections, loans to pay, sick parents to take care of—you cannot simply put an end to your misery without considering these factors first. And even if you choose to act selfishly for once and pull the trigger, life doesn't let go of you unless you've paid your dues. Your cadaver keeps hovering on the face of the earth, punching in and out of your office timely and paying the bills until all the debt is finally paid off. Laila's boss, Shahidul Alam, still comes to the office with a hole the size of a cricket ball in his head from the gunshot wound of his attempted suicide.

The program took care of all of these issues for the chosen participants. It paid off all the loans, paid all the bills, took care of ailing parents and any other loose ends, all free of expense. Laila had fewer loose ends compared to others, which made her feel guilty. Her mother was on the verge of Alzheimer's and she had a younger sister nearing the age of 30, who was still unmarried with no prospects on the horizon whatsoever. Laila, a divorcee, was already done with the excruciatingly painful experience of being married but it was somehow her responsibility to ensure that her sister also went through the same. Of course, she had unpaid loans of around 50 lakhs her father had taken before the shrimp export business had failed and he died from a stroke.  

"Your loans will be paid off within the next seven days," said Dr Rehman, "A groom with a government job at the Ministry of Fisheries has been chosen for your sister and the wedding will take place 16 days from now. The dowry has been paid off in advance and he has also agreed to take your mother in after the marriage. The groom has been tested for potency and the results are outstanding, so they'll probably have multiple children for your mother to have around. Your mother's treatment, for as long as she's alive, will be paid for. Any other necessary arrangement will be completed within the next 30 days so that you can see your family taken care of before you die."

Laila sat quietly in her cabin after checking in. The compound had no means of communicating with the outside world. The families were already notified of their deaths and the reasons were stated as accidents. By the seventh day, the families were done with the remorse and had moved on. The funerals were paid for as well.

As her sister's wedding kept getting closer, Laila started having thoughts of being present at the wedding. She was aware that her rising from the dead would spook everyone. Her plan was to sneak into the wedding somehow, see her sister and her mother for an instant, and leave before anyone could recognise her. She just wanted to see the look on their faces as their struggle of eight years finally came to an end.

As the days went by, her thoughts started shaping into a plan. She was aware that getting caught while leaving the premises would result in a brutal and instant execution, as opposed to the peaceful death she would be ensured at the end of the month. But Laila chose to take the chance. On the night of the wedding, she snuck out of her cabin and hid in the bushes near the barbed wires. Just when the guards switched shifts, Laila made a run for it.

She was caught 400 metres from the compound and was brought back, battered and unconscious, to Dr Rehman.

"You don't understand. I need to go," whimpered Laila while coughing out blood. "I don't want to end my life anymore. I need to see my sister off as the elder sister! My mother will need her elder daughter, no matter how much you pay them. Not everything's about money."

"Your mother has no memory of you, Laila," said Dr Rehman calmly. "We made sure of that. She's exhilarated about her younger one and I believe she deserves that much happiness before she loses all her memories."

"What if my sister gets a divorce?" shouted Laila, "And what if her husband dies or her in-laws abuse her or something? Where would she go?"

"Stop making excuses, Laila," Dr Rehman bashed the table. "You had your chance to list all your burdens when you checked in. Are these truly the responsibilities that you have to fulfil, or are these mere excuses to hide the real reason here? Is there a lust for life that I sense in your tone, Laila? You clearly aren't brave enough to live your life, but are you really so cowardly that you're backing away from ending it?"

Laila gulped and looked at Dr Rehman one last time. She stopped struggling and sat quietly in her chair as the guards let go of her hands.

"It's what you've always wanted, Laila," Dr Rehman's voice echoed from a distance as Laila closed her eyes. "Your birth was a mistake and this is just correcting it. You've been a good daughter, a good sister. You've been the son your father had always wanted but never had."

"Laila," said Dr Rehman, coming closer, "you can leave now."

***

Laila's mother died eight years later in her sleep, a "relatively happy" death, as per her relatives. Contrary to her worst nightmare, Laila's sister didn't get divorced or abused. She went on to have two beautiful sons and a rather decent marriage. Laila's colleague, however, couldn't get into the program and after some 20-odd years, was able to pay off his home loan and leave enough money behind for his wife and daughter before he was allowed to jump off the bridge.

Hasib Ur Rashid Ifti is a writer and a student of Bangladesh University of Engineering and Technology.