Amidst the overpriced masterclasses that teach you the nuances of workplace hierarchy, self-help books with no cited sources, and being invited as a motivational speaker for underpaid fresh graduates, Bappy Jaliyat was a master in the world of corporate greed. His reputation exceeded himself, becoming the best-selling author at Ekushey Boimela, a social media sensation and an avid advocate for waking up at five in the morning. But alas, a little mishap, snatched away the stardom that Bappy worked not too hard for.

"I have always had a very thorough process in my teachings. It would mostly involve skimming over summarised texts of ancient western philosophy, misinterpreting the message and oversimplifying the ideologies to a point where I have complete disregard for the source material," said Bappy. 

"The best part about it all was, I used to be able to get away with it. I mean sure, the guys over at post-production were instructed to drown out my voice over larger-than-life, grand music with big crescendos but what I was saying was still, kind of valid, as long as you weren't thinking too much into it," he continued.

With a routine corporate talk over at French-Canadian Detergent Bangladesh taking place last week, Bappy Jaliyat began his presentation. The employees after working overtime for no extra pay had settled down and prepared themselves not to snore too loudly. It was right when he was about to kick off his segment on making big sacrifices in life, such as starving yourself and being a burden to your ageing parents, when things took a turn for the worse.

The Powerpoint presentation struck a chord.

"This guy talks about having a 'winning' mentality. Anyone who cannot afford to use licensed music in their brainwashing corporate propaganda is not listening to their own advice," said a young BBA graduate.

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Following his catastrophic failure, Bappy was subject to major backlash. It was almost as if people finally began to see past his gimmicks. Gone were the days when he could just claim to give people "life-changing" information, plagiarised from the internet with no reliable sources. And thus, there was only one thing left for Bappy Jaliyat to do: make an apology video.

"I would like to apologise for inflicting inexplicable pain upon you all. It often evades my mind that the people I have to inspire are not able to process information as quickly as I do. They think about insignificant things such as music licensing and that is precisely why they cannot get ahead in life. For those petty individuals, lost in the dark, worry not. I have a new book coming out," said Bappy.

Although he never really mentioned where you could buy the book from, it sold out in the first 72 hours upon release. Bappy Jaliyat, once again, became a true leader and was invited as a guest speaker to "Fraudulent Expo 2022."

As he rode the momentum of rejuvenation, telling the audience all about his new book and rediscovering the meaning of life, Bappy once again fell into the clutches of not paying for the music. His voice overlapped with the voice on the speaker.

"Never worry about running out of skips again with Spamify Premium – play what you want, when you want. Click on the ad to learn more," the virtual voice said as it subsided.

"I shouldn't have spent all my money buying my own books,"

Abir is a failed SoundCloud Rapper. Tell him you too can't find anything to rhyme oranges with at: abir.hossain2002@gmail.com