Satireday
Managers rejoice as study shows Artificial Intelligence can’t replace Genuine Idiocy™
A study has come out from the University of Where the Sun Don’t Shine, proclaiming that Artificial Intelligence will never be able to replace Genuine Idiocy™.
Bureaucracy marathon receives great response
Chapasthan’s capital witnessed the Bureaucracy Marathon this Friday, an event designed to showcase the bureaucratic madness ingrained in daily life.
‘Digbaji’ celebrity Jaded Khan tumbles head over heels into mathematics
Michael Jackson created the Moonwalk. Tom Cruise likes to run like crazy in every movie. Shakira has hips that don’t lie. Clint Eastwood was famous for his line, “Are you feeling lucky, punk?”
Economic success now defined by how often men change the colour of their car
Economists worldwide have ditched traditional metrics like GDP that were always used to identify prosperity of a nation. It is no longer in fashion. Woke activists have been especially relieved now that the GDP (Gross Domestic Product) concept has been thrown out the window because they find it offensive to have the word “Gross” in their regular conversation. But also, a new theory is now in place.
‘It’s disgraceful that rain did not fall in time’
Sri Lanka batter Angelo Mathews has termed it disgraceful and atrocious that the rain did not fall before New Zealand beat them in their World Cup match in Bengaluru on Thursday.
Boss shocked that employees not happy about being paid 5 peanuts instead of 4
Employees at a local digital marketing agency have expressed shock after being offered a raise of one peanut.
5 things to do when there is a Bangladesh match on TV
You know there is a Bangladesh match on. You’ve cleared up your schedule, it’s a world cup match after all. Eight hours with nothing to do but lean back and enjoy the men in green in action.
Celebrities of Bangladesh offering support
Celebrities all across Bangladesh and other fortunate places under the Guava Convention have come together to offer support. They have held a demo kabaddi match as a press conference to show that they are concerned.
Palesreal the only solution, says privileged American
The current crisis in the middle east has a simple solution: Palesrael.
Four friends travelling from Khulna perish from starvation in Dhaka traffic gridlock
Last Wednesday Mishap Talukder of Khulna set out on a road trip to the capital with his three best friends. They were celebrating their recent financial gains from a startup pyramid scheme called RiverValley. Their startup gained rave reviews where people spent money to buy little pyramids all across Bangladesh, Mongolia and the moon and name each pointy structure after their beloved.
New iPhone comes with more features, but nothing that makes you actually attractive
The radical iPhone 15 launched a week ago with features that boggled the mind of smartphone users a decade ago. Apple adopted the USB-C charger that was first seen in 2014 when China’s Le smartphone launched it. No one remembers because the powerpoint presentations were not as polished back then.
Guardians no longer sad about their children scoring eggs in exams
In an epic U-turn in the outlooks of Bangladeshi parents, eggs -- once considered to be the worst possible outcome -- have now become the most desired marks in the exam papers of their children.
Youth forced to start eating healthy as soft drink prices cross Tk 100
Earlier with the price hike of potato chips, inflation dawned upon the youth of Bangladesh for the first time. But our young generation somehow recovered from that inflation and continued to devour packaged food like the very concept of cholesterol doesn’t exist. However, as the price of 1-litre soft drinks has finally hit the sweet spot of 100 bucks, our youth is going through their worst crisis to date -- having to live without soft drinks.
Taliban shuts down beauty parlours to save monthly budget
In the latest turn of ridiculous events, the Taliban has shut down beauty parlours throughout Aarghmenistan in an attempt to decrease electricity bills and increase the country’s defence budget. The incident came to light when Supreme Leader Akhter was making his bi-annual budget for the year.
Netizens and other sensitive people upset by actors like Bradley Cooper acting like other people
Netizens and other sensitive people are out for blood and a few millimetres off Hollywood Actor Bradley Cooper’s nose. Cooper is set to play real life conductor, composer, pianist, music educator, author, and humanitarian Leonard Bernstein. Cooper needed to add some length and girth to his leading man nose so he used a prosthetic to match the likeness of the man he is playing.
Woman surprised bananas have shrunk during recession
A local woman was shocked, surprised and astounded when a local shopkeeper said locally grown bananas now cost Tk 70 per ounce. It was only Tk 70 for half a dozen last week. Inflation has hit the town hard making it difficult for the folk of Lalmayshia to grab a bite with their corn flakes and high fibre, low carbohydrate muesli breakfast.
Millennial boss tries to joke with Gen Z employees, gets reported
Late last week, an assistant manager at a design agency called Creative Business Boys (CBB) was reported to HR by his subordinates.
Student regrets praying for rain instead of the ability to finish her studies in time for exams
Despondent and on the verge of tears, Promila Haider regretted making the wrong prayers the week before her university final exams. Suffering from the scorching summer heat, the 24-year-old literature student spent a lot of her time in the Cineplex theatres to cope with insufferable heat and the crushing uncertainty of what to do with her degree once she graduated.
Fight breaks out among TikToker groups about location of sky in Different Touch song
A fight broke out yesterday on Hatirjheel bridge between 17 groups of TikTokers over which part of Dhaka was referred to in the classic 90’s Bangla hit pop song “Sraboner Megh Gulo” by the excellent band Different Touch.
Concert organisers play victim after things go wrong for 100th time
After attendees were left suffocated and sick in a mismanaged concert for the hundredth time in a row, the event management firm unSound Event Management has decided to play the victim yet again.
Rain destroys Dhaka drivers’ muscle memory: a study
Drivers on Dhaka roads lose the ability to switch on muscle memory the moment there is more than 5mm of rain, according to an in-depth study.
