Satireday
Satire / BBA student gets married, calls it the best networking experience of his life
Nothing is impossible – if you believe in your ability to make the right connections, that is.
Satire / iPhone 16 users claim biggest feature is a scam
The iPhone 16 series launched a couple of weeks ago, coinciding with a sudden rise in online ads by people selling human kidneys.
Government losing ‘Aandar’ control trying to bring it under control
In an unprecedented twist, the government keeps losing Aandar control while attempting to bring it under control. Aanda, or egg -- whatever people choose to call it doesn’t matter anymore as they are having breakfast without eggs.
Holy League unveils new leftist wing
“We represent the thoughts, feelings and experiences of the majority of Bangladesh. Our policies, philosophies and ideals are all BLESSED. You must understand this,” he yelled at the crowd.
A tale from the future: Ordinary students celebrate lynching 100th person
The year is 2028. Ordinary students have done something extraordinary yet again. Yesterday, they organised “Lunch for Lynching” to celebrate beating a hundred people to death since the “lucky seventh independence”.
Satire / ‘Natok Kom Koro Pio’
“Natok kom koro Pio,” the man said, his white beard shaking with fury.
Altruistic prisoners demand work-from-jail permission
When the world is busy inventing and discovering new things, the people of Chapasthan 2.0 are busy coming up with new demands with every passing hour.
Satire / Nation struggles with newfound freedom of speech
Who would have thought? From the yoke of authoritarianism, where everything you said had to be checked for the presence of words that could anger the powers that be, today, Bangladeshis can say whatever they want to.
Obsessed with rainbows, ex-faculty member slapped with restraining order
When the former part-time lecturer of Crack University was let go last year for his discriminatory language and actions, he was at a loss. Why had the university dismissed him for tearing up a book as an educator?
The Cancelling
The TV hummed slowly, filling the room with a soothing sound. Almost acting like a form of white noise.
Tyrant wakes up after 15 years, becomes good person
A tyrant who was on a drip of liquefied sleeping pills for the last 15 years because another tyrant had usurped him, woke up on August 7 and became a good person.
Youth forced to start eating healthy as soft drink prices cross Tk 100
Earlier with the price hike of potato chips, inflation dawned upon the youth of Bangladesh for the first time. But our young generation somehow recovered from that inflation and continued to devour packaged food like the very concept of cholesterol doesn’t exist. However, as the price of 1-litre soft drinks has finally hit the sweet spot of 100 bucks, our youth is going through their worst crisis to date -- having to live without soft drinks.
Taliban shuts down beauty parlours to save monthly budget
In the latest turn of ridiculous events, the Taliban has shut down beauty parlours throughout Aarghmenistan in an attempt to decrease electricity bills and increase the country’s defence budget. The incident came to light when Supreme Leader Akhter was making his bi-annual budget for the year.
Netizens and other sensitive people upset by actors like Bradley Cooper acting like other people
Netizens and other sensitive people are out for blood and a few millimetres off Hollywood Actor Bradley Cooper’s nose. Cooper is set to play real life conductor, composer, pianist, music educator, author, and humanitarian Leonard Bernstein. Cooper needed to add some length and girth to his leading man nose so he used a prosthetic to match the likeness of the man he is playing.
Woman surprised bananas have shrunk during recession
A local woman was shocked, surprised and astounded when a local shopkeeper said locally grown bananas now cost Tk 70 per ounce. It was only Tk 70 for half a dozen last week. Inflation has hit the town hard making it difficult for the folk of Lalmayshia to grab a bite with their corn flakes and high fibre, low carbohydrate muesli breakfast.
Millennial boss tries to joke with Gen Z employees, gets reported
Late last week, an assistant manager at a design agency called Creative Business Boys (CBB) was reported to HR by his subordinates.
Student regrets praying for rain instead of the ability to finish her studies in time for exams
Despondent and on the verge of tears, Promila Haider regretted making the wrong prayers the week before her university final exams. Suffering from the scorching summer heat, the 24-year-old literature student spent a lot of her time in the Cineplex theatres to cope with insufferable heat and the crushing uncertainty of what to do with her degree once she graduated.
Fight breaks out among TikToker groups about location of sky in Different Touch song
A fight broke out yesterday on Hatirjheel bridge between 17 groups of TikTokers over which part of Dhaka was referred to in the classic 90’s Bangla hit pop song “Sraboner Megh Gulo” by the excellent band Different Touch.
Concert organisers play victim after things go wrong for 100th time
After attendees were left suffocated and sick in a mismanaged concert for the hundredth time in a row, the event management firm unSound Event Management has decided to play the victim yet again.
Rain destroys Dhaka drivers’ muscle memory: a study
Drivers on Dhaka roads lose the ability to switch on muscle memory the moment there is more than 5mm of rain, according to an in-depth study.
Girls’ football jerseys leave several injured, doctors helpless
The days of getting injured by just deadly weapons or human assault are past as Bangladesh witnessed its first ever case of people sustaining serious injuries from the shorts worn by female footballers. Doctors said these injuries were incurable.